A time to kill or a time to heal?

The serenity prayer is about seeking discernment: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference” (the altered but most familiar version of the quote by the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr).

A strong stand is necessary sometimes. When is it right to look to the good of only those you are responsible for, especially to defend them? When is it right to relent for the good of the whole? Like Paul listening to Gamaliel, we do well to question whether we can see the whole picture: “But if it be of God, ye cannot overthrow it; lest haply ye be found even to fight against God” (Acts 5:39 KJV). 

"The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering [patience], gentleness, goodness, faith” (Galatians 5:22 KJV). The New Testament teaches patience and adherence to the will of God, as far as we can discern what that will might be.

The following three spiritual teachers of eastern philosophy promote similar principles regarding resistance and acceptance. 

Michael Singer uses the word surrender, much like a local preacher who tells you to trust in the Lord or a 12-steps sponsor who tells you to “Let go and let God.” Singer insists that our unfathomably beautiful universe is all here for us to notice, and to compare with the insignificance of our complaints. He asks, how can you be so sure that in the magnificence of creation that brought you to here and now, this moment that you dislike is wrong and intolerable? His own life story shows sacrifice. The word sacrifice means “to make sacred.” Some requests of Singer from his spiritual teacher, he didn’t want to do. He wanted to reject the requests, but he discerned that the opportunities were offered by a higher power. He made the effort, including assisting people he found obnoxious. The opportunities presented to him led him eventually to wealth and worldly acclaim. He was a frequent visitor at prisons, working with men who others found intolerable. He insists that if you become loving and generous, you won’t need to worry about finding love. You will attract people to you. Yet if they want to leave, help them pack, then wish them well and a safe journey. Some find his story compelling because he was a father, a husband, and a businessman, not an isolated contemplative, as he continued to develop his spiritual philosophy.

Pema Chodron discusses the Buddhist principle of letting go of attachment to a certain outcome. She teaches to “refrain and relax” when you feel yourself getting triggered, angry, impatient, bothered. Instead, recognize what is happening and try to find some humor in human frailty and defenses. Have compassion and kindness about your own and other’s tendencies for fear and laziness. She recommends becoming comfortable with uncertainty, rather than rushing in to assert your will because of impatience with a lack of immediate resolution.